Something I have Noticed about myself is that, I have a plan and I do my best to see it through... doesn't have to happen right away, I know things take time and preparation... like gardening, first you have to plant the seed, it doesn't grow overnight.
Something else I have noticed about myself is that I have a temper... now paired with a love of boxing and a few tricks I learned from bigger and smaller friends, might put somebody in a bad position... or a fixed position in the hospital. Just Kidding, but I looked deep down inside and realized that not every one is going to like you for who you are... thats fine as everybody is different. I just prefer to keep my distance of those of dislike, instead of someone getting in my face about it, only to see ending results being an agrument won by knock out.
Another thing I noticed about me, I have things in the past that I would even today like to go back a fix. I a good while back said some stupid things, rumors at it were, that hurt somebody... created an image that made them hate me very intensely... I one day called this person in humble honesty seeking genuine forgiveness. I never felt so at ease and gathered than that point. Ahh the things we learn from. Point is, that was only one thing I could make amends for, there are still some I wish to.
Something rather irratating I have noticed about myself... I can not, under any circumstances gain weight for the life of me! It appears I have been doomed to be a skinny little shit my whole life. Though I am far from frail, in fact quite the opposite as I am rather active. I swim consistantly during the week, I go trail running, I strive for high points on my "APFT" and would rather go somewhere and do something than sit on my ass doing nothing. I weighed myself the other day and sadly I have lost weight from my time in Iraq... there I went to the gym six days a week focusing on different muscle groups each day. On top of that I ate six meals a day! not six small meals a day... ohh no, we're talking two large pieces of grilled chicken, small salad, beans, potatoes, tuna and anything i could get my hands on made of protein... through all this training and dieting... I arrived to Iraq weighing a sad 132 pounds... I left weighing 145 pounds and with only 4 percent body fat... yet here i am living a similar lifestyle and i manage to lose five pounds. WHY THE F$&% CAN'T I GAIN ANY WEIGHT!!! Even scientifically speaking my metabolism should be slowing down, its was written that every seven to eight years your body as a male will undergo metabolic changes, which is most men is a slowing, which is why most body builders often peak in their very early thirty's to early forty's... I'm not thirty yet but geez, it would be nice to have a little something to work with!
Last thing I have noticed is my eye sight... had PRK done in March, I think it was one of the wierdest and best experiences i have to talk about. Not only do i have corrected Vision, I can put a shirt on without removing eyeglasses and putting them back on. I can walk freely in the rain to my truck and not have to take a minute or two to clean the water from my lenses. I can engage in a work place spontanious wrestling match at will and not have to say "Hang on... my glasses... okay ready." I can look through binoculars! I dont have to squint to read things. And lastly I can see animals running straight me in the woods without having to frantically look left and right till whatever it is, finally hits the prescription of my glasses for me focus on and know that is a charging mountain lion. ahh, technology, science, beautiful things... sometimes. Goodnight!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Saturday, January 2, 2010
What the Hell am I doing?
I can't figure out how the hell I got into my business. Which is the Military... I can't remember what I was like before I joined. Seems like I have been re-programed or maybe deep down I wanted to forget it. I can't say that I was ever a popular person, honestly, popularity didn't appeal to me. The gaggle fuck of moronic people, bragging about how much alcohol consumed and drugs taken. Defending a reputation on a social hierarchy that had no place outside the little world of highschool. Sick, Sad, little world that I was more than happy to leave. A town that I needed to get the hell out of and see what the world was like.
What I can remember of myself before the military, is having an artistic ability that I modestly developed. I never wanted to sell my art or use it for popularity, just liked doing it. I still have my friends from home who are true friends, my military brothers and sisters (also true friends), and my family. I remember being a stick figure throughout most of highschool... okay, all of highschool. Easily intimidated and easy to scare, you could have looked at me the wrong way and I would've scattered... same for dealing with women. I had girls that I would have like to asked out on a date or something, but I didn't have the courage to do it. I Suppose you could say I was a coward. Cowards did one of two things, they either passed unnoticed like shadow or broke out of their shells. I was a shadow of sorts and I hated being one.
So senior year rolls around and its time to make a decision... what to do? College? Not on my grades and scholarships were way out of the question. I have to imagine what I would have been like in college. Shy, timid, indecisive, a guy with no balls and all brains... sounds like a nerd or scientist. Both I hope that I am not. So I had an idea in my head that would change me in so many ways. Good and bad, I wouldn't change it for the world. I joined the Navy. I met great people in the navy, people I still talk to and hang out with. Also met some real morons and assholes too. Ohh well... not everyone in life is going to like you and I sure as hell won't apologize for being who I am.
So who am I? What did the military do that made me who I am today? Firstly I should say Confidence, not arrogant or conceded, but comfortable with me. Confidence in my job, my relations and leading the way when I must. I would have to say the second is Honor. Never truly understood the meaning, until your put in situations where your character is questioned, as is your moral integrity. I don't think I could ever Lie ever again, used to, but it just never seemed to get me anywhere. At one point it hurt someone, damaging their reputation and feelings. Going back to what I said about Integrity and Honor... I made a phone to a girl I know, I apologized, begging for her forgiveness and to excuse me for my stupidity in my youth. Honesty was pouring out, i never felt so much guilt, but I was forgiven. At that point I felt a huge burden was lifted, like a new man, that I could move on. From that, I do see this gal and she is a one in a million. As the list might go on... third thing was keeping your word. Plain and simple, if I say something I mean it, If I promise something, I do it. Obviously I like to mess around and that you can tell, but I have always been there for my friends and family to best of my means available. The realism of the situation dictates what help I can offer. But sometimes, just saying something is enough to show your support. The list goes on and on... but fundamentally speaking I have changed in ways that I never thought possible.
How you can tell... I walk upright and without any slouching. I talk casually and softly, but have been known to raise my voice. I would now stand toe to toe with a guy twice my size in someone's defense... even knowing that there was no way I could kick this guy's ass even with a baseball bat. I don't mind bars, pubs, or social settings... broken the shell there. I suppose I have a worldly view of things having seen much of it and I take pride in what I do and how I live.
What I can remember of myself before the military, is having an artistic ability that I modestly developed. I never wanted to sell my art or use it for popularity, just liked doing it. I still have my friends from home who are true friends, my military brothers and sisters (also true friends), and my family. I remember being a stick figure throughout most of highschool... okay, all of highschool. Easily intimidated and easy to scare, you could have looked at me the wrong way and I would've scattered... same for dealing with women. I had girls that I would have like to asked out on a date or something, but I didn't have the courage to do it. I Suppose you could say I was a coward. Cowards did one of two things, they either passed unnoticed like shadow or broke out of their shells. I was a shadow of sorts and I hated being one.
So senior year rolls around and its time to make a decision... what to do? College? Not on my grades and scholarships were way out of the question. I have to imagine what I would have been like in college. Shy, timid, indecisive, a guy with no balls and all brains... sounds like a nerd or scientist. Both I hope that I am not. So I had an idea in my head that would change me in so many ways. Good and bad, I wouldn't change it for the world. I joined the Navy. I met great people in the navy, people I still talk to and hang out with. Also met some real morons and assholes too. Ohh well... not everyone in life is going to like you and I sure as hell won't apologize for being who I am.
So who am I? What did the military do that made me who I am today? Firstly I should say Confidence, not arrogant or conceded, but comfortable with me. Confidence in my job, my relations and leading the way when I must. I would have to say the second is Honor. Never truly understood the meaning, until your put in situations where your character is questioned, as is your moral integrity. I don't think I could ever Lie ever again, used to, but it just never seemed to get me anywhere. At one point it hurt someone, damaging their reputation and feelings. Going back to what I said about Integrity and Honor... I made a phone to a girl I know, I apologized, begging for her forgiveness and to excuse me for my stupidity in my youth. Honesty was pouring out, i never felt so much guilt, but I was forgiven. At that point I felt a huge burden was lifted, like a new man, that I could move on. From that, I do see this gal and she is a one in a million. As the list might go on... third thing was keeping your word. Plain and simple, if I say something I mean it, If I promise something, I do it. Obviously I like to mess around and that you can tell, but I have always been there for my friends and family to best of my means available. The realism of the situation dictates what help I can offer. But sometimes, just saying something is enough to show your support. The list goes on and on... but fundamentally speaking I have changed in ways that I never thought possible.
How you can tell... I walk upright and without any slouching. I talk casually and softly, but have been known to raise my voice. I would now stand toe to toe with a guy twice my size in someone's defense... even knowing that there was no way I could kick this guy's ass even with a baseball bat. I don't mind bars, pubs, or social settings... broken the shell there. I suppose I have a worldly view of things having seen much of it and I take pride in what I do and how I live.
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